Don't Be Stupid, You Know I Love You

4-January-00

“Oh my, God!” Keryn threw her fists into her hips and stared through the living room. “What the hell did you do that for?”

“What do you mean? What did you really expect me to do?”

“Show a little bit of common sense, Taylor!” Keryn rubbed her forehead in frustration. Taylor was standing in the middle of the living room with a rag in one hand and a mysterious bottle in the other.

“I was using sense!” Taylor held up the bottle he was holding. “This stuff is black, there was a scrape on the television,” he reasoned.

“Taylor, I may not be completely the domestic type, but I do know for a fact that you don’t use shoe polish on the television set! That’s just stupid!”

“Don’t call me stupid!” Taylor’s defenses grew.

“I’m not calling you stupid! You misunderstood me.”

“I did not misunderstand you - you called me stupid!”

“I was defining your act as stupid - you aren’t stupid!”

“Well, why did you say it?” Keryn groaned and threw herself onto the couch, observing the damage Taylor had done to the television set. Luckily it was a greyish-black colour and it camouflaged in, but there were still clearly chunky marks where he attacked it.

“What the hell is all the noise in here?” Zac came pounding down the hallway. “Geez, all your bloody tension is annoying the hell out of me!”

“What tension?” Taylor demanded. “What are you going on about?”

“Do you think I’m stupid?” Zac asked defensively.

“Far out!” Keryn yelled in frustration. “Does every single Hanson brother have some kind of complex where they think that everyone else thinks they are stupid? I mean, are you really stupid and you’re just trying to cover it up or something?”

Taylor looked at her thoughtfully. “You said I wasn’t stupid!”

Keryn pressed her hands hard down on her head and turned to leave, running into Isaac on her way out the door. “What was that supposed to mean?”

“Just close your eyes and walk from the room,” Keryn whispered, trying to maintain some sort of composure. “I’ve had enough for today.” Taylor, Zac and Isaac all watched her slowly shuffle from the room.

“What’s up with her?” Isaac asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Oh, she got really pissed off cause I painted the television set with shoe polish,” Taylor said, matter-of-factly.

“Tell me you’re joking,” Isaac rested his elbow on his other hand and tapped his finger on his forehead. “Please, Taylor, tell me you are joking.”

Zac chuckled as his eyes drifted towards the television set. “Taylor, why did you do that?”

“Zac, we were discussing it last night,” he turned to his older brother. “Ike, it was logical, there was a huge scratch in the side.”

“Logical? You’re certainly using the term loosely,” Isaac folded his arms across his chest.

“But-”

“You know, Taylor, I don’t even want to know,” Isaac turned and left the room, leaving Taylor and Zac to ponder on the freshly polished television set. It was going to be a long day.


It was a few hours after lunch when Taylor walked into Keryn’s room to see if she had cooled off since the polish incident.

“Sorry,” he stood at the door before letting himself in. She was scribbling notes down on a piece of paper and was startled to see him appear in the doorway.

“Nothing to be sorry about, it’s not my television,” Keryn stifled a laugh. “I was a bit hard on you.”

Taylor’s look was contemplative. He deeply sighed and straightened out the bed cover before sitting down. “Zac said we were tense.”

“We are tense, Taylor,” Keryn looked at him, folding the piece of paper and putting it into an envelope.

“We aren’t going to start one of those analysation processes now are we? Because what I feel after the other night fits into one complete sentence, and I want to tell you what that is.”

“Read this,” Keryn leaned in close and whispered in his ear. “It might explain everything.”

Taylor uncrumpled the letter that was placed so carefully in the envelope and walked from the room, leaving her to gaze out the window while she waited for him to finish.

Dear T

You know how bad I am putting things into words when I’m standing in front of you, so here goes.

My life is in such a confusing part at the moment. I didn’t know whether my next breath would influence the next ten years of my life. I don’t know what will happen if I finish college and I still don’t know what I want to do with my life. It’s all so scary. I mean, does everyone feel this? The stress mounts and it just all heaps up until the end of the day when I try to go to sleep and all I do is roll around in bed thinking about things.

But, Taylor. I don’t feel like that anymore.

Thank you. Thank you so much for the other night. Looking into your eyes as the fireworks exploded above us was amazing. It was a realisation. The way the coloured streaks of fire hissed through the air, interrupting the perfect black sky made me realise that life is so precious. I’m only eighteen years old. All of these expectations and stresses that are mounting on me are simply stepping stones in that long life I’m about to live. It was like a symbolism to me, that New Years Eve. I could look up at the sky and just like the blue beam of light that thrashed through night, I realised that you belonged in my life again. Just like something dawned on me... just like the sky needed that colour, I need your colour. I need you keeping my feet firmly on the ground, I need you to wake me up in the morning so I’m not late for class, I need you remind me to pick up milk when we go to the store. I just need you.

I can’t believe there was a moment back there where I doubted that. We brushed each other away just as fast as we’d discovered we belonged together. We were friends for a long time, Taylor. A damn long time. And the first time I saw you smile at me I lit up inside. Even if we were below ten years of age, I knew that there would be something there forever, whatever it may have been. I’m so happy we finally realised, Taylor. I’m so happy. You make me tingle inside. You make me smile whenever you walk into a room. I can’t wait to learn everything about you.

You are my colour. My world would be black and white if you weren’t in my life. You make me see things as they are. I love you so much.

K.


The dusk melted through the window as Taylor laid on the couch in Keryn’s room with a small cushion placed under his head. When he’d read the letter and come back in to tell her, he found that she’d crawled up and asleep on the soft pink sheets in her room.

He kept the letter in the palm of his hand, crushed so it would fit neatly and he could feel it was there. Taylor thought that if he left it somewhere, alone on the bench downstairs, or on the bookshelf in his room, suddenly the words that danced around the paper would just disappear or develop another meaning.

His train of thought was interrupted when he heard a murmur from the bed. “What time is it?” She sensed that he was in the room. “I didn’t wreck dinner for everyone, did I?”

Taylor let out a shaky breath and moved slowly from the couch he’d been sitting on for the past few hours. “I read your letter,” he whispered, his voice crackled, speaking with all seriousness.

“Oh,” Keryn sat up in her bed and shuffled around, not making eye contact.

“You love me?” He asked, trying to get her confirm the words written in the letter, making sure that he hadn’t read wrong. “I mean, you’re in love with me?”

“Well, I-I... are you in love with me?” Keryn hesitated, trying to read the expressions on his face. He looked a little drained, like he’d been sitting in the chair for hours, just waiting to tell her something. For the first time in what seemed like ever, she couldn’t accurately read or decipher the words that were about to come from his mouth.

Taylor etched over and sat on the side of the bed, the mattress sinking down slightly allowing her to fall down a little, brushing her shoulder against his.

Taylor turned slowly and looked into her eyes. “I can’t establish my feelings for you with words. Love isn’t enough.”

Keryn could feel the butterflies in her stomach vault from one side to another as she heard the magical words slip from his mouth. She felt as if she were going to cry.

Taylor reached out and looped some of her brown hair behind her ear and smiled.

“I can’t describe how I feel,” Taylor started, with his hands still on her hair. “I just know that it’s right and it’s always going to be right.”

Keryn nervously smiled and looked into his crystal blue eyes. For the first time in many days she felt speechless. She felt that she didn’t have the ability to reach out and touch, everything had gone numb.

“Are you going to say something?” Taylor whispered gently into her ear. He pulled away and looked into her eyes again, realising he knew what she had to say. Words weren’t needed.

Taylor reached out and enveloped her in a hug, pressing the back of her hair into her neck. They held each other for five minutes until Kayla called dinner from downstairs.

“Shall we go?” Taylor asked, pulling away gently and standing up on the carpet, still gently swaying.

Keryn thought she was floating through the clouds. “Sure,” her mouth said something for the first time in a while.

He gripped her hand. They walked out the door. They walked down the stairs.


“Hello, Zac,” Margo’s mother smiled comfortably when she opened the door for Zac that night when he came to dinner. “Margo’s in her room.”

“Thank you,” he said as he followed his shadow down the hallway towards Margo’s room. He opened the freshly painted door to her room and edged around the corner. “Marg?”

“Zac,” she jumped, startled from the sound of his voice. “You frightened the crap out of me.”

Zac smiled and joined her on the floor, leafing through one of her drawers. He had always liked Margo’s room. The posters on the wall, stuffed toys grouped together on her bed. It was a room that best described her personality. Well, Zac thought. The personality she shows me. Zac let out a small sigh. No matter how much Zac had fallen for the girl, she seemed so insecure sometimes and it was really hard for her to make friends cause her defences were up so high.

“Zac, what are you thinkin’?” Margo asked as she stopped fumbling through the papers she was getting ready to start back school with.

“Nothing much, Margs,” he stretched his arm out and placed it on her shoulder, massaging it gently.

“Zac?” She asked, curiously.

“Yeah?” Zac crossed his legs and guided his attention in her direction.

“Do you ever write poetry or anything?” Margo furrowed her eyebrows as she waited for Zac’s answer.

Zac thought about his answer. He’d always thought of his music as a form of poetry and getting his feelings out. It was some kind of release that he’d always felt was important, even if he never showed some of the things to his brothers. “Well, I write songs.”

Margo nodded and placed a group of papers into a folder.

“Why, Margo?” Zac said. He picked up the folder she’d put down and started moving his hands through it, glancing over her history notes from the previous semester.

“Well, I write poetry. I always have. And, well, I guess I was just wondering.”

“Can I read some of it?” Zac asked, shocked, as much as he had so far learned about her, she’d never showed this side of her creativity.

“Well, I’m still working on things. So, not at the moment,” Margo flipped a folder closed and threw it onto her bed.

“Well, I can respect that,” Zac slid his legs out in front of him and allowed Margo to collapse into his lap. “Do you think we should think about going out to the kitchen for dinner now?”

“Is it the food or me, Zac?” Margo asked, playfully.

Zac let out a giggle as they collapsed onto the floor and stared up at the artificial stars that were stuck to the roof.


“Keryn, here.” Kayla held out a colourful piece of cardboard when she saw Keryn come down the stairs for dinner. “Sorry I didn’t give it to you any sooner, I completely forgot it was in my bag.”

“Where did you get it?” Keryn asked, confused as she stared at the image of the Opera house on the postcard. She moved her hands over the crumpled edges and studied the unfamiliar handwriting.

“I didn’t read it, I just glanced at the name... have a look.” Kayla’s stare was cautious.

“Justin?” Keryn said casually. “I wonder what he wants.” Keryn read over the words and her lips curled into a smile. “Hmmm...”

“Hmmm?” Taylor joined his brother, Kayla and Keryn at the bottom of the steps.

“Postcard, from Justin,” Keryn nodded in his direction, handing the card to Taylor.

Kayla’s eyebrows shot up in confusion as she saw what was going on before her. “Hey, Keryn, wanna help me set the table or something?” Kayla asked.

“Sure,” Keryn slipped away from Isaac and Taylor and headed for the kitchen. “We never eat at the table, Kayl, what’s up?”

“You...” Kayla started getting cutlery from the kitchen drawer.

“Me?” Keryn asked as she pulled a chair from the table and slid into it. “What did I do?”

“You’re acting so...” Kayla paused for the right word. “Civilised... there’s no analysation there... you just handed Taylor the postcard. What’s with all this trust?”

A small smile drifted across Keryn’s face as she looked up at Kayla. “Well, you have to have trust in all relationships. You know? You can’t just lie to each other.”

Kayla shrugged her shoulders at Keryn in confusion. “You’re not saying what I think you’re saying, are you?”

Keryn nodded and started to laugh as she set the knives and forks in neat rows along the red checkered table cloth. “Togetherness is a lovely thing, isn’t it?”

“Why didn’t you tell me this any sooner? How long have you been planning this?”

“It just kind of, well, happened,” Keryn reasoned, picking at a piece of lettuce she’d taken from the salad bowl. “Like, just the other night. There was no time.”

“No time for what?” Charlie bundled into the room with sunscreen splattered across his nose from his adventures at the local swimming pool.

“Keryn and Taylor are back together,” Kayla blurted out, waiting for Charlie’s reaction.

“Ahh, love and affection,” Charlie sighed. “I feel so lonely.” He walked over to the sink and filled a glass with water.

Kayla giggled in his direction and slid into a chair next to Keryn. “So, how did it all happen?”

“It was building up for a while, and then we kind of realised on New Years.”

“Don’t talk about me.” Taylor chuckled as he walked into the room and started pulling at Keryn’s hair.

Charlie’s eyes met Isaac’s as he joined everyone else in the room. “Hey,” he muttered, still slightly confused as to why Isaac’s defenses were still so high.

“Yeah,” Isaac walked over to Kayla at the kitchen table and sat down, occasionally glancing in Charlie’s direction. “Kayla?”

“Yeah?” Kayla asked, brushing her hair behind her ears.

“Can we please talk?” Kayla eyed Isaac suspiciously when she noticed that he kept looking in Charlie’s direction.

“What about?” Kayla asked, slightly frustrated. The constant tension between Charlie and Isaac had grown overwhelming over the past few days and she was about to start screaming.

“I just have to talk to you.” Isaac got up from the chair and motioned toward the hallway where they could go outside and talk.

Kayla felt her eyes roll. She listened to her chair drag along the floor as she pushed it out. “Fine.”

Charlie, Keryn and Taylor all stared at each other uncomfortably and started fiddling with the knives and forks.

“What do you think that’s about?” Taylor asked, to see if anyone else knew about the situation.

“Well, let me just say, if I wasn’t here, I don’t think this conversation would be happening.” Charlie sighed and quietly left the room. This was the last thing he’d ever wanted.

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