It’s absolutely pouring down out and they all left me here, by myself. Zac’s at Margo’s, Keryn’s with Taylor and I’m by myself. All by myself.

I looked at the last page and I haven’t written anything since the beginning of October. Talk about being busy. Being busy is good though. I’m not going to say that being busy isn’t good... I’d much rather be busy than sitting around doing nothing, you know? No, you wouldn’t know. You’re a hard covered book of pages that Mom and Dad made us buy a few years ago. Something I don’t regret doing though. I think that if I read this in a few years time I’ll be able to capture my teenage thoughts and feelings. Maybe it will even help me understand when I have my own kids. Who knows.

I feel so retched. I don’t know what to think and I don’t know what I’m feeling. I need someone to talk to... but who? Normally I would pick up the phone and talk to Kayla when I’m feeling down... But this time she’s my problem. I don’t get her at the moment. And I don’t get where our relationship is going.

Granted, we haven’t really seen each other enough the past few months to really settle back into the relationship nicely, but, I just don’t know about this Charlie person. I mean, she practically called him every other day when she was here. Now she’s gone... why has she gone? She’s gone because *he* called her back for some job.

I am so jealous. I’m jealous of the fact that Charlie gave her a job and not me, I’m jealous of the fact she calls him so much, and not me. I’m jealous of the fact I hear them talking about stuff on the phone she’s never even mentioned to me. I’m jealous of the fact he’s so damn vivacious and they would match each other so well. I’m jealous of the fact she talks about him so much. I’m jealous of the fact he’s living with her. I feel like I am being so selfish... Like Kayla belongs to me or something and she has no independence. But, that’s me. I think I love her and I don’t want to let her go. I don’t want to see anything happen to her.

For all anyone in this house knows, for the past few weeks Charlie could have been sitting there going through all of Kayla’s personal stuff. He could be some psycho freak.

Oh, God. Keryn and Taylor are home. Just after I get used to being alone for a second, they come home and disrupt my train of thought. Damnit. If I blend into this pot plant here, maybe no one will see me.

I’m right, they’ve gone upstairs.

The thing I want to know right now is how Kayla feels about me. I want to know if she still feels the same way as she did when her and Keryn were staying here a few months ago. The way she acts around me is that nothing is wrong... but how can I be so sure? I’m not about to start listening in on her life with Charlie... But, I would just like to be shoved in the right direction of thought for a moment.

I’ll tell you what’s been happening. There were major problems between Margo, Keryn and Taylor at one stage. They broke up. There was this whole big thing about Keryn leaving the country. Then I thought Kayla moved to Australia (...communication gap there... I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions). Kayla and Keryn came home when school finished for the semester. Keryn now resides in this household. Kayla was vacationing here until this morning when she went back to L.A. She should be coming back in a few days though.

Now, when Kayla was here, everything was going okay. We’d have conversations, we’d have discussions about our favourite songs, movies, books and fashions like we used to and we did the normal couple stuff that we used to do. But, I started reading between the lines. Now, what I did next I completely regret, I shouldn’t have done it, but at the time it was purely innocent. I listened in on one of her phone conversations. Well, just her end of the line.

The phone rang... I am beginning to think that I am the *ONLY* person that picks up when Charlie calls. Where the hell did he get our number, anyway? Back on track...

“Hello?” I asked, as I would normally.

“Yeah. Ike, hey. Kayla there?” Ugh. That’s what I felt. I felt the entire Earth had just collided with Jupiter and I was flying through the air, straight for Mars.

“Why?” I was sharp, straight to the point.

“Cause I want to talk to her...” He seemed confused at my sudden interest.

“Well, she’s here.” I started playing with the buttons on the phone.

“What’s that insane noise? Can you please get her for me?” I couldn’t help but snicker as I sent shattering beeps through the phone as I pressed the buttons over and over.

“Kaayyyllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” I did what Mack would normally do. I didn’t take the phone away from my ear... I just looked upstairs and let my lungs belt out the word.

“Geeeeeezzzz.... Ike, would you shut up?” I could almost feel this guy reaching for aspirin.

Kayla came bouncing down the stairs. “Is that Charlie?” She asked, snatching the phone from my hand. “Thanks, hun.”

Oooookay. Now she was standing there, engaging in a full on conversation. In front of me, mind you.

“Oh, poor Charlie... Sorry about Ike, I don’t know what’s wrong with him.” I heard Kayla’s voice. ‘Hello,’ I thought. ‘I’m standing right in front of you.’ She motioned for me to go to the kitchen cause she couldn’t hear. I wasn’t even saying anything. Way to make me feel uncomfortable.

I sighed and threw myself into a seat at the kitchen table.

“Well, silly......... Of course I will! Oh, come on......... You know I’d do anything for you!......... Ha ha ha!......... Well - we can fix that......... What did you do?......... Oh, Charlie......... That was stupid!......... I wasn’t calling *you* stupid......... You’re not stupid, no......... Ha ha ha!......... Well, I’d better go......... Yep. Seeya soon......... Bye......... Bye.”

Okay... well, I didn’t fully memorise the conversation... But, it was something along the lines of that. The thing that annoys me is that I didn’t know what they were talking about. Oh, geez. This whole thing depresses me. As soon as Kayla gets back I’m going to tell her how I feel. I don’t think she’s cheating on me. Definitely not. She is not the type that would do that... But I do think that Charlie fellow has some kind of motive. I’m just going to go up to her and express my concerns on the situation. Is it something I should do? Should I ask advice from Tay before hand? Keryn even? Hmmm....

Speak of those two, they’ve been upstairs together for a while now.

*Ike walks upstairs* Hehehe... Like my action?

I going to call them now. I feel like I am just totally butting into their lives at the moment. I probably look like an idiot walking around the house scribbling into this book.

Oh, crap. Keryn just came out of her room. Okay, Taylor’s in his room. Keryn’s giving me some kind of weird stare. Okay, she just walked down to the kitchen.

I’m gonna follow her.

More later. I need a human being to talk to at the moment.

Questions? Comments? E-mail.
Next Event ->