“I knew this would be a mistake,” Isaac whispered to Taylor as he passed him in the hall, Taylor on his way to the car. The hustle and bustle of getting ready to go off travelling was normally intense, but having Keryn tag along was making it all the more hard for family members to concentrate and things to get packed into the cab.

“Now, do you have your passports? discmans? phones? underwear?” Mr Hanson stood at the front door, trying to organise his sons and get them into the car. “Boys, nothing else matters. Just get into the car, quickly.”

“Wait!” Zac screamed and started running up the stairs. “I’ve forgotten my new yellow phone cover!”

“Well, that’s the most important thing when you have to be in Florida for a photo shoot in six hours, isn’t it?” Mr Hanson tapped his foot on the front verandah impatiently. “Keryn, wait! Where are you going?”

Keryn swung around innocently. “I just have to ring Kayla one more time,” she held up her finger to represent the number and tried to scurry away.

“No, you don’t. She’ll meet us at the airport,” Mr Hanson tried to usher her out the door.

“But-”

“No buts, if you need her, you can call her from the car. Quick, car.” Keryn rushed out into the mist of the early morning. “Where’s Taylor?”

“He’s sleeping in the taxi,” Isaac came rushing down the stairs, following Keryn out into the car. “He packed everything last night so he could sleep this morning.”

Mr Hanson gave Isaac an odd look and furiously knocked on the door. “Zac! We’re going!”

Finally, the fourteen year old came rushing down the stairs. “Should I take the blue cover or the green cover?”

“Zac, I thought you were going up for the yellow one,” Mr Hanson was trying to maintain interest in his son’s conversation as well as look for the right key to lock the house.

“Yes, but this is a spare,” Zac insisted.

“Can’t you just take them both?” Mr Hanson asked, trying to pull Zac out of the door.

“But-”

“No buts, just get in the car.”

Isaac flicked through the last of the mail and watched Zac and his father arguing up at the front door. He saw Zac leap down the car and then his father disappear inside for something else. He snickered and looked down towards his hands. Dear Isaac was printed in very fine handwriting on a nice looking envelope. He carefully opened the seal and began to read.

Dear Isaac,

If I told you what I wanted to say face to face, I can’t imagine the words coming out in any order that you would understand. That is why I’ve chosen to write you this letter, and then sneak down one night and place it in your letter box.

Do you remember when I used to do that when we were children, Isaac? We were so young and we were so innocent. We had no idea what we were doing, but we knew it was right. We would come out of our warm houses at all hours and place carefully folded letters into one another’s boxes and then the next morning, we’d each wake up and find a great little surprise from one another. I don’t think my parents ever found out, did yours? Thinking back on the way we snuck around, it must’ve been so cute to them. We were, what? 11 years old when it all started, and then 14 about the time that it finished?

I don’t know, Ike. You gave me intense butterflies back then, and you still do now. Gosh, the other night I just wanted to take you into my arms from the first second I saw you, but you seemed so withdrawn at first. Isaac, you don’t know what it was like to me when I saw you on my doorstep. I’ll admit, at first part of me just wanted to pretend that I didn’t know who you were, but then I realised just from looking at you that all of that had gone away. I just wanted to stare at you until the end of time. Does that sound corny? Am I getting all mushy? This is the exact reason why I wanted to write this letter rather than tell you to your face.

Okay Isaac, I’m so glad now. I didn’t want to tell you in the bar, the reasons were obvious and I do apologise for that whole situation. But, Isaac, did you feel that magic we shared the other night? I can remember back to when we were 13 years old and we wanted so desperately to move our relationship to another level, the level that our parents frowned upon for thousands of reasons. I don’t regret us not going through with it then, either. We were too young, too innocent to face the circumstances of the outside world. But, Isaac, the other night was so special. Did you think it was special as well? The words you said to me completely made the moment. I didn’t realise that sleeping with you would mean so much stability and tranquility in my life. I’ve never been more grounded than these past few days. I’m relieved. So relieved that my life seems to be going on a straightened arrow and it’s all because of the pleasure and joy we shared the other night in that great vow of renewing our relationship.

Thank you, Isaac. Thank you so much.

Love always,

Belinda

Oh. My. God. OH MY GOD, Isaac was trying to grasp the idea of the letter in his head. It started off okay, then it just dropped to an absolute all time low. Shit. Shit. Shit. No. Shit.

He heard a car door slam and someone came running towards him. All he felt was numb. Absolutely, incredibly and totally numb.

“Isaac, are you okay? Isaac?” He felt Keryn pulling at his arm. Just pulling. Pulling, pulling, pulling. He was on the grass now, the 5.00 am morning dew soaking into his pants so he would be uncomfortable for the rest of the day.

Isaac just sat on the grass with a glossy look cemented into his eyes. He clutched the letter in his hand and deliriously listened to Keryn’s words.

“Zac, quick. I don’t know what’s wrong with him!”

Isaac felt the prescense of his younger brother by his side.

“Maybe it’s something to do with the bruising dying down?” Keryn gave Zac an odd look and continued to shake Isaac.

“Wake up!”

Suddenly, Isaac regained his grasp on reality.

“Are you okay?” Zac asked, kneeling down at Isaac’s side.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine,” No, I’m not fine. Not fine at all. How didn’t I remember this monumentally important little detail?

“Are you sure you’re fine?” Keryn’s face was full of concern and empathy. The both of them helped Isaac up into a standing position.

“Yes, don’t worry about me.” Pfft. I’ve only lost my virginity in a drunken bout of pleasure to someone I got over at the age of fourteen - why the hell wouldn’t I be fine? I don’t even remember what was going to be so special to me when it finally happened, when I consciously wanted it to happen.

“Come on, guys. Let’s get into the car. Ike, did you wet yourself?” Mr Hanson was rushing down the front yard and towards the front seat.

“No, Dad.” Wet myself? No. I wish. Become a slave to alcohol and sex? Yes! God, I’m going to see Kayla in half an hour and my head resembles freaking bloody blended vegetables.

Isaac let his legs take him to the car and he sat down. He just sat and stared at the window. Just stared. Staring, staring, staring. Hoping that this was some kind of dream. Hoping, hoping, hoping. But, maybe it’s not a dream and maybe he’d just completely nailed another notch into the list of things he’d done wrong this week. This lifetime. My virginity? Ike thought as he felt another bout of gloss coming over his eyes.

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